No. That is not what I was going to say. Author Eric has the most amazing blog http://authorericjohnson.com/ where he shares recipes and tells amazing tales to go with them.
Eric has come along for the Spooky Season and is following my last guest, Incy Black and the contents of a certain hero’s pocket, with a very special TALE, okay? AND a recipe. I did mention that he is also an author. Well, not only is that true but his wonderful book,
is FREE on Amazon right now. That’s right. http://www.amazon.com/author/authorericjohnson .
So, what are you waiting for? Except to hear from the man himself…
‘It was the first non spare the air day in many months and Rayette Davies had a
new apprentice over to initiate into the ranks. It was to be a day of discovery
“It is time,” she said. “Hear me O great mother of sauces. Scoop of butter, equal part flour, thickening agent of the three. Light roux. Dark roux. Tasty not gluten free.”
“Wait,” the apprentice stopped the incantation. “I thought we were here to
practice magic, not have a cooking lesson.”
Rayette’s eyes turned with compassion. “We are practicing magic.” she said.
“I’m sorry. I don’t have time for this,” the apprentice said. “My yoga class
starts in an hour. PTA is tonight. And I still don’t know what to cook for
“This is exactly what we talked about,” Rayette held her hand. “A great evil has
fallen over the land that sucks people away from nature.
We live in a factory farm age where people have lost their sense of eating, culinary magic brings people back to living in harmony with the seasons. You want to get back into touch don’t you?”
“Rayette I do,” the apprentice averted her eyes. “But can we do this another
“What about the coven?” Rayette asked. “It takes time and patience. Love is the
magic you put into what you are making. Once you have the frame work… Besides,
you said you needed to put the spark back in your marriage.
“I want to be a witch, not a sandwich maker. I’m going.”
“Please don’t go,” Rayette put her spoon down. “You haven’t learned the recipe.”
Light flooded the kitchen as the door opened. Rayette sat in her chair and
watched the fire. The pleasant smell of toasting flour and butter brought her
back from her thoughts. She spoke to the roux. “How can I have a cooking coven
when nobody will dedicate time to cook real food? A counter spell is what I need
to break the dark magic. I must consult the book of culinary engineering.”
Rayette took the book from the shelf, Pots and Pans Duh. By Edward Béarnaise.
She read; You can’t always eat what you want. But sometimes if it’s not fried
you get what you need. She tossed a log on the fire. Ecstatically she said, “Oh
Rolling her eyes into the back of her head she waved her spoon over the
pot.”Dead chefs of the past I call upon thee. Sugar. Salt. Fat, chewy and
crunchy. Flavors, savory, sour and sweet. High Purine foods without worry of
gout. Come to me. Help me out!”
The fire flared. The pan sizzled. A cloud of deliciousness rose out her chimney
and over the town.
Rayette fell back from the hearth. Sweat ran from her brow, but her job wasn’t
Dawning her chefs hat she mounted her food cart bicycle and with a cackle, she
The best way to get her message across was to stimulate the senses. She pedaled
down the street. Get people to give into their hidden desires for healthy food.
She pedaled faster. The best place to start was the food court at the Swillville
Rayette heard a call from down a side street. Her apprentice came running.
“Wait! What are you doing? Where are you going? she asked.
Rayette stopped. “I’m making a difference. I will show people that taking the
time to cook isn’t inconvenient.”
“Remember people love bad food. It serves a purpose.”
“They have been cursed,” Rayette said. “I must break the dark spell.
Corporations offer easy preparations with their boil in a bag and microwave
concoctions. I will not be stopped until I put an end to it. People will see,
they will understand.
“If you don’t pull this off right, Rayette, you will be labeled as a food
channel pariah.” the apprentice warned.
“Shut up and taste this,” Rayette handed her a plate of food. “If you had stayed
this is what you could have learned to cook.”
Her apprentices eyes lit up. Rayette pedaled across the mall parking lot,
through the double doors right out onto the court.
Music played loud. The griddle on the food bike glowed hot.
“I’ll show them what t is to love food.” Rayette vowed.
Men holding bags, women tearing tags and children begging for toys came out of
the stores to greet her and try her cooking. She explained that if time is
taken, a good meal will brighten a dark kitchen and warm the soul. They cheered
her, her words were wise.
But the people of the town were not the only ones coming to greet her. The food
police rolled in with their citations and seasoning spray.
“You can’t cook here you don’t have a permit.” one officer said as he handed her
a ticket and the other pushed her cart away.
She fought. “I have the right to assemble good food.”
The officer reached for her arm. “Not on private property you don’t. And
everywhere is here is owned.”
Rayette lunged for her food cart bike. She was struck by a night stick, sprayed
and zip tied. They held her for processing between the nacho bar and Slurpee
Rayette twisted her wrists to break her bonds, but it was no use. Gaining her
composure, she chanted, “Viscous paste, Xanthan gum, Polysaccharide scum.
Theatrical blood. Run!”
A scream carried across the food court.”Watch her. One guard said to the other.
I’ll be right back.”
Rayette smiled at the remaining guard. “You know those nachos look pretty good.
Mind if I have some. I heard the food in jail is really bad.”
“I can’t untie you.” the guard replied.
“I’ll just hold them and eat that way. Extra cheese please.” Rayette asked.
The guard’s radio came to life.”Call an ambulance there’s blood everywhere here.”
With The guard distracted. She dumped the nachos on to her wrists. The hot
cheese burned, but lubricated. She slipped free. Cooling her hands in the
Slurpee machine. She threw a cup full in the guards eyes. Blinded, he screamed.
Kicking him over, she ran. Bad food did serve a purpose. Hopping on her food
bike she rode across the court and out the door. This was the first day of a
2 Lbs Catfish
1 Red Bell Pepper, Diced
½ Onion, Diced
2 Stalks Celery, Diced
3 Cloves Garlic, Diced
½ Tsp Cayenne Pepper
1 Tbs Butter
1 Sprig Fresh Thyme
2 Bottles Clam Juice
Season With Salt As Desired.
Saute the onion, garlic,and celery in butter until translucent. Add the clam
juice. Bring to a boil and turn down a simmer. Add the thyme and cayenne pepper
and let simmer for 15 minutes. Add the catfish and cover, cook until the catfish
is done approx 5 min. Head over to Sam Culpeppers place for the corn bread
recipe. Use Sam’s corn bread batter like pancake batter. Scoop a generous amount
of catfish étouffée on top of the corn bread pan cakes. Eat.
Roux is an essential part of Cajun cooking.
4 Tbs Butter
4 Tbs Flour
Melt butter on low heat sprinkle in flour, stir till blended, cook until mixture
is peanut butter brown.
Eric Johnson grew up in Ann Arbor Michigan, and now makes his home on an island near Oakland California. One afternoon at a restaurant his fortune cookie read, ‘You have a charming way with words and should write a book.’ Those words struck a chord that awakened a long forgotten dream. He knew what he must do. Write. He finds inspiration in the little things that happen, and the people he meets. He loves to watch 1950’s science fiction movies. Eric, his wife and their two children love to hike in the hills and spend days on the beach.